Sunday, January 20, 2008

Dear Prime Minister

Dear Gordon Brown,

Please stop stalking me. It’s becoming embarrassing for both me and your entourage here in Shanghai.

First, you check into my hotel, which was fine at first. After all, it is a very nice hotel, and there are lots of English people staying here. I’ve even brushed past them on the breakfast buffet line trying to decide between bacon or sausages (or both), whether to try dragon fruit or stick to watermelon, and some adventurous souls having the Chinese breakfast. I didn’t even mind when the security staff at the hotel installed the metal detectors and x-ray screening machine on Friday night, when I had to wait in line for five minutes while fellow guests ahead of me where searched and patted down. Those machines are becoming commonplace now, and having experienced it just a week ago at the airport, it was no big deal. I also didn’t mind having to walk all the way to the back of the hotel to flag down a taxi the next day.

Now what I’m finding questionable is your appearance at the Shanghai Museum on Saturday, which happened to be the same time I visited. I saw you use the escalator to go all the way up to the fourth floor, and I must say that was a nice lavender tie (but you should’ve worn a red one, because this is China after all, and red is a very popular color). You might have seen me from the lobby as you were going up, or perhaps by the make-shift parking lot you and your entourage set up by the museum entrance. Thanks to you I had to wait ten minutes to get to the other side of the street, being told very curtly by the Shanghai police to stay behind the barrier. Thanks for making me stand out in the rain, Gordon. I like getting my pants soaked from rain blowing sideways.

I don’t understand the fascination with me, and frankly you’re not my type, but could we make sure to avoid future contact whilst here in Shanghai? I am planning to go to dinner here at the hotel, so please make other arrangements. It would just be weird and creepy to see you again. Don’t make me call security.

All the best,


No comments: