Friday, February 22, 2008

Skipping ahead

For some odd reason, during the entire year that I was 28 years old, in my head I thought I was 29. Why did I skip a year ahead, you may ask – don’t people subtract years to their age, not add them?

It’s one of these things I do, this looking forward to the future all the time that had me caught up with being 29. I swear, when people asked me how old I was during 2007, I’d want to say 29, catch myself, and answer 28. I was living a year ahead of myself, and now that I am actually 29 I feel like I stayed the same age.

I think the anticipation of being 30, even though it was two whole years away, was getting to me. I was starting to question all the things I’ve done in my life and how insignificant they were to what other 28 year-olds were doing. There were some that owned their own business, were VPs of Fortune 500 companies, had given birth even – and I felt as if I hadn’t accomplished anything for the first 28 years of my life. It seemed like everyone had it together personally, professionally, financially, and here I was stuck in the same rut for the past two years. Of course I’ve done a couple of great things myself, but in my eyes none that could be considered a great accomplishment. Then I remembered that everyone has their own pace and their own rhythm in life, and comparing myself to other people could only make me depressed. Each person’s life experience is unique, and comparing my accomplishments to other people’s makes me lose sight of what’s good about my life. There are plenty of things to celebrate and be grateful for.

I spend so much time looking ahead to the next thing – my “planner” tendencies coming through – that I sometimes miss out on what’s going on right now, the present. I am guilty of living in the “what’s coming up” part of my life yet never relish the moment once I get there. Once I get there, the focus is on the next thing, the next big event, and all that energy spent getting to the first destination seem to go by the wayside.

So this is my resolution this year: living in the present.

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